Sunday, 6 October 2013

Ongoing aging

Recently my  brother Charles wrote a blog about aging.
His was in terms of our survival as a society; the metaphoric parallel being a crumbling edifice of over extended credit and wasted energy squandering the last moments (resources) and possibilities in some mad rush for profit with no regard for consequences or tomorrow.
That is not my plan or strategy.  I  tripped and fell on the road last week, my knee and toes were scraped, the other knee twisted as I successfully held an empty beer bottle up and away from the pavement and breakage. Those bottles are precious here, no deposit unless you break one. Like me, luckily unbroken but used.
 I've been limping along with a cane back and forth to the office making the climb up and down the 4 flights to and from the apartment, my knee complaining on every push up or jar down until today when I declared enough! I need to rest.
Oh for the immortal feelings of youth! Those days of pushing through the pain trusting in my body's resilient self healing abilities.
I sure as hell don't feel old, or at least my mind doesn't . That word feel, somewhat limited by my 5 senses to the emotional physical. What is it that I sense? This experience of aging? Layers of events in time, some sweet, some bitter, sour and... salty? The perfumed memories of ecstasy,  of unbridled pleasure, the sharp taste (?) experience of fear, eruptions of anger and the shock of disgust. Each a moment in time past, layer upon layer stretching back beyond my actual recall.
I am in the here and now struggling with a desire to know my future (what a joke! we make it in the moment by the consequences of our actions). There will be forces beyond my influence that will shape what happens next. By my actions and thoughts in  this and every proceeding moment I determine my direction. I open my mind to possibilities and the opportunities appear. I make my choices and I age. My choice would be gracefully, in spite of the numerous challenges I've inherited or absorbed. I take care of myself now, little accommodations and indulgences, hesitations and allowances keep me  centered and secure, at least within my own mind.
My parents are aging. Does this process speed up as we approach our end? They have seemed old since I was young and now I am old too. Relatively of course, a mere blip in the earths history, my importance limited to a small circle, yet potentially significant beyond my understanding. We are all, each of us, part of a cycle that may go on and on depending on circumstance for longer than I can imagine.
So aging as I see it remains limited to what I experience directly, I have seen death, participated in creating life and recognize my limitations in at least a physical sense. My accumulated knowledge gives me some potential for wisdom, my experience has taught me the value of patience and restraint, the pleasures of companionship and community and  exposed me to the amazing diversity of life itself.
Where do I go from here? I continue on this path of service. Sharing, supporting, assisting, contributing and receiving, embracing humility, offering what I can to the processes that shape tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. There is so much in this post….each thought could be another writing!